I hate the way you talk in interviews,
and the way you plays with your hair (and buttons and everything)
I hate the way you sass,
I hate it when you glare.
I hate your worn red Indiana cap
and your favorite New Balance shoes
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re trolling,
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not on the news,
and the fact that you don’t like to be in the news
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.
HAPPY 29th BIRTHDAY, JESSE ADAM EISENBERG!